In its first issue of 2024, Okapi investigates a feeling, of love, from the perspective of teenagers. In this area, even more than in others, middle school students have their own words to say it, their codes to live it, even if it sometimes surprises their parents’ generation. Because at 12 or 13 years old, the matter is serious, already! The proof: we no longer say that we are “going out” with our boyfriend or girlfriend, as we used to. We now accept the fact of being “in a relationship” or no longer being one!
Couples and young teenagers talk about them like adults. “Before I was in a relationship, he was in love, me a little less,” says Sarah, 11, with astonishing maturity. “Since he’s been in a relationship, my friend has neglected his friends a little. It’s a shame,” regrets Gaspard, 13. And Chiara, the same age, seems to answer him: “I’ve been in a relationship for six months, it’s the first time I’ve loved someone… We give each other lots of cuddles. And that will remain in my memories,” she says as if already projected into her future adult life.
“I confessed my feelings to the person I’m in a relationship with… with a poem!” Madeleine dares to confide, keeping it all a secret from others. Because, there’s no doubt, in this era of blended families, upheaval in our lives, and big questions about identity, the generation born around 2010 doesn’t mess around with love.
And not everyone spontaneously puts the same realities behind the word “couple”. Okapi takes the opportunity to answer all the questions that we don’t always know how to ask adults. What do you do when you have a crush (an undeclared love) to know if it’s reciprocal? And if you’re ready to get started, how do you know and what do you say to each other? And then afterward, when you’re there, what do you talk about together? Do you touch each other or not? Should you tell others? And by the way, is it serious if I’ve never been in a relationship?
What does it mean to be in a relationship?
Everyone has their definition. For some, it’s just saying that you have a relationship with someone, without anything happening. For others, it’s when you’re often together, or even holding hands or kissing… What’s certain is that there’s a little something extra compared to friendship. Something strong, that brings you closer!
Do you have to be in love to be in a relationship?
Being in a relationship without really loving each other is possible… at the beginning of the relationship! Indeed, in the first few weeks, you can feel a lot of attraction, affection, and admiration for the other person, without it necessarily being love yet. This feeling is built over time, and it takes more or less time depending on the person. But if you want the relationship to work and last, you are unanimous (and we agree): after a while, you have to be in love!
How do I know if someone wants to be in a relationship with me?
It’s hard to say… The person seeks your gaze, smiles at you, and tries to be in your presence often, to make themselves interesting. But, if she is shy, she may act nervous, and avoid your gaze. Protective behavior, compliments, and jokes can indicate a crush that goes beyond friendship. To be sure, take your courage in both hands and go see her to ask her the question! If you are shy, declare your love via social networks or by slipping a note into her bag.
Should we talk to the parents about this?
You don’t have to. They don’t tell you about their love life, and that’s a good thing! Keep your garden a secret, and learn about love on your own. But if you need to talk about it, to confide your joys and heartaches to your parents or loved ones, don’t hold back. Because your parents know you well. They will quickly notice that something is happening in your life and may ask you questions. Prepare yourself to answer them… or not!
And friends, how do we manage?
Unless you are super discreet, your friends will quickly realize that you are in a relationship and will bombard you with questions! “Are you together or not?” “Did you kiss or not?” It can be pressurey, don’t hesitate to say stop. This is a new situation for you, which generates various emotions. You feel immense joy at being with someone, but you are afraid because it is the unknown. So you have the right to be a little lost. And your friends don’t have to know everything about your relationship!
What do you do when you’re in a relationship?
Many people don’t do much, especially at first, except maybe exchange messages. Gradually, you’ll be together more often, at recess, than outside of school. You’ll maybe come home from class together, then go for a walk on the weekend, see a movie at the cinema, etc. In short, you’ll be seen together in public.
How do we behave in college?
Being in a relationship with someone from your school or class motivates you to go to class, because you know you’ll see them again! But it can also become a problem! So that neither your relationship nor your academic results suffer, here is our advice: don’t sit next to each other all the time, avoid passing around little notes in class, don’t always pair up for group work, favor lunch breaks with several people, and respect the other person when he/she wants to be with his/her friends… And, above all, don’t neglect your homework!